Doctor Visit # 1,243

...or, at least it feels like that many...

We go to the doctor... A LOT.

Most weeks don't go by without at least one visit to some type of clinic at Vanderbilt, or our PCP. Most weeks it ends up being 2 or 3 visits.

To appease your curiosity, here are the clinics we frequent:
-BPD/Lung
-Cardiology
-Urology
-Orthopedic
-Opthomology
-NICU Follow-Up
-Surgery Follow-Up
-PCP's office
-Radiology

Newly Adding to the list:
-Liver
-Cranio Facial

(And there will be more added to the list, I'm afraid, with this new addition of Eli's g-tube...)

That's 11 different clinics. 11 different doctors and groups of nurses and care partners.

And we also get a weekly visit from TEIS- Tennessee Early Intervention Services- an outreach teacher who comes to the house and works with both boys to try to help them catch-up with developmental milestones, hopefully by age 2 or 3 years.

So that's a 12th person who helps us care for the boys.

I am not naturally an organized person. I like to be organized, but I have to work at it... now even harder, that there are two little sweeties with a lot that needs to be organized! I keep a planner in my purse and a dry erase calendar on the fridge. And I truly appreciate all the "reminder calls" from Vanderbilt and our PCP a few days prior. If I loose my planner, we are in trouble. I am pretty proud of myself that I've only forgotten 1 appointment so far. And, I'm always on time. If you know me, being on time is a huge feat! Not to mention, I am on time with 2 little boys in tow! (Go me!)

Going to all these clinics isn't all bad... Here's a picture of some of our more fun times... Chris entertaining Eli in the Cardiology Clinic, while Eli gets an echocardiogram:



While it feels nice just to vent for a second about our numerous and frequent clinic visits... Really, this post needs to be about God's faithfulness and the way he continues to provide to me what I need when I need it. Most of the time, for the past year, it's been hope and patience that I've needed.

Friday night, November 5th, we got home about 10pm, from our 5 day stay at the hospital following Eli's g-tube/nissen surgery. In a nutshell, we were exhausted from the previous week. I knew I was physically exhausted, but I didn't realize till I got home that night, that I was emotionally exhausted, too.

Basically, I lost it that night. I just sat and cried, and cried, and cried. (I think Chris wanted to cry, too, but he was taking a turn to be strong while I was weak.) I was so overwhelmed. Overwhelmed that Eli had a g-tube, and now we were home to manage and figure it out on our own. Mad that Eli had to have another surgery. Upset that it was so late. Worried that Isaac was getting a cold, and feeling guilty like I had given it to him by dragging him back and forth to the hospital all week, to be with Eli. I was saying things like,

"I can't do this..."

"This is too much..."

"I'm so stressed..."

"I just feel so overwhelmed..."

"This is too much to ask anyone else to handle... I'm going to have to quit my job, so I can be with him 24/7 to take care of him..."

"I don't want to do this..."

(If you are one of those people who think we are always "so laid back," "strong," "handling everything so well"... we have our moments of total breakdown for sure!)

But, once again, God was right there and held me through the next few days. He gave me patience when I was frustrated with myself, showing me that I can handle a g-tube; and so can Chris, and so can my dad (who takes care of the boys on Tuesdays)... so I can go back to work and leave him for a little while in someone else's care.

He gave me hope by seeing Eli heal, and start to giggle and play again.

And something we didn't even ask for:

He gave us comfort in the form of people to cook meals for us. 5 different families have cooked for us in the past 2 weeks. If you are one of them, THANK YOU. Yes, I am admitting that food does comfort me- probably why I can't loose these last 5 lbs :). But really, it is comforting to be able to hold and play with my babies longer, because I'm spending less time at the grocery store or in the kitchen, cause I know we have meals already prepared for us, ready in our fridge or freezer. What a blessing.

Yes, we go to the doctor ALL THE TIME! But, we are so blessed to live in a city with one of the best children's hospitals. We only have a 20 minute drive to receive a lot of really great care. And our PCP, is less than 10 minutes from the house and is wonderful. At our first visit with him, when the boys were both home from the NICU, he examined the boys and then looked at us and said, "Wow, isn't God so good?", with the biggest smile on his face. We are so blessed to have him.

If you've followed me this long through this rambling post about doctor's visits/organization/God's faithfulness/food... thanks :). I guess to sum it all up, I would just say that I'm trying to see God's blessings in the midst of this "madness." Sure, I know how to have a pity-party with the best of 'em. But I try to only let them last a few minutes at a time. Then I try to think of something positive I've gained through this experience. And I usually don't have to think too long, because one of these guys starts calling for me, and their smiles and giggles are about as big of a blessing as a girl could ask for:



So what are you going though that's difficult, unfair, hard? Allow yourself to cry, vent, yell, punch something if need be... then try to find one thing to be positive about. I promise it helps.

Psalm 5:11-12:
But let all those rejoice who put their trust in You; Let them ever shout for joy, because You defend them; Let those also who love Your name Be joyful in You. For You, O LORD, will bless the righteous; With favor You will surround him as with a shield.